It has been prescribed that for every breakup of a relationship, you need double that amount of time to heal.
Three months of sixteen and I keep telling people, "yea, I just got off of tour".
My heart aches not being onstage in a show I love everyday. Yes, I am working on other projects. Yes, I keep in contact with most all the Idiots. Yes, I like having DVR.
Thank goodness, I didn't take a day for granted while touring the country. Carpe fucking diem'ed.
===
This week. I'm working on three major projects for me. And if you couldn't already tell, I'm sleepless and trying to lull myself to sleep with Red Label.
I AM STRESSED BEYOND BELIEF.
And I'm smiling. Because, I love the theater. And I love the theater with theater professionals with an attitude of "can do". Because at the end of the day- well, what else is more rewarding?
I've been recently feeling as if I needed something else. Something that wasn't so volatile as being an artist for a living. I wanted more control. I wanted more money. I wanted more stability.
NEWS FLASH: Stability doesn't exist, y'all!!!
But love does. If you do what you love and treat others with respect while you're doing it- you only attract more of what you project.
Take what you want from this. It's full of generalizations. But generally what I'm saying is- everything is worth it. And when it drives you to tears, you can thank God that something still can.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Friday, August 3, 2012
Hashtag Nightingale (I Love Prison)
In regards recent Nightingale "controversy": The Asian American theatrical community has many feelings. The creatives have expressed they too have many feelings. It seems like the entirety of the Broadway community has arisen with their own commentary, opinions and feelings.
I have one. One instinctual feeling.
You may suspect it is a feeling of dismay; but it is not. Saddened? No. Disappointed, heartbroken, wronged? No, no, no.
Rather it is of pure ELATION.
For the theater to bring to host this conversation is incredible.
Let me clarify that I am not elated because someone finally "stuck it to the man". I am elated because for the first time in my professional career, I believe that the entirety of a community I was born into has raised one collective voice to say, "We are here."
For those of you who need to be filled in of the goings on of # nightingale:
Playbill Article : Facing Criticism for Lack of Asian
Video of Panel Discussion : LaJolla Nightingale
Some of our Asian American theater veterans may proclaim that this is history repeating itself. It seems like a twenty year cycle.
A little over twenty years ago, we experienced the infamous Jonathan Pryce scandal of Miss Saigon. David Henry Hwang brilliantly dramatized the events in his play Yellowface nearly a decade and a half later. Because of the open protestation of Pryce's casting, never again was the coveted role of the Engineer played by someone not of Asian descent on Broadway.
Miss Saigon was the first time Asian Americans have experienced yellowface in such a high caliber theater setting. Right?
Actually, twenty years prior to that in 1970, the Asian cast members of Broadway's Lovely Ladies, Kind Gentleman protested outside their own show because of denial of access for Asian performers to audition for the coveted role of Sakini in their own show. These pioneer Asian actors went as far as to distribute brochures with headshots and contacts of dozens of Asian performers to casting directors to say "we are here". The show closed on Broadway to eventually tour but the costumes of Sakini were never worn by an Asian man.
Will we look back in 2030 and be quick to forget the conversation that has been spurred by The Nightingale ?
Only time will tell but what we all can learn from history is "change is slow". No, this isn't the first time this conversation has been had and it certainly will not be the last. But this is the moment for this generation of Asian performers to make their mark for the betterment of the theatrical community; this American theatrical community that we are very much a part of.
Specifically, in addressing my thoughts about The Nightingale. I've heard both sides of the table. Even then, I lack the ability to see the content of the show for myself, I lack the ability to validate either side's arguments, and I lack the ability to sort out for myself what is right and wrong/hypocritical or not in terms of the implementation of a multi-ethnic cast.
I can't say that any Asian actor was denied Asian appropriate roles as I have no hand in the artistic creative process.
Through much meditation about the subject, I became keenly aware that my issue was not with this production at all. I began examining my existence as an Asian actor in the theater business of 2012 and I came up with the question: "Am I not American enough to be considered for your multi-ethnic project?" This notion stings.
Post the panel discussion, I felt satisfied that I had tweeted some thoughts (you can find by searching # nightingale) and I was prepping for the windfall of discussions I was sure to encounter in the coming weeks. This blogpost never wanted to be written.
Alas, my impetus for writing tonight: I saw an All-Asian production at this year's New York Musical Theater Festival called Prison Dancer (www.prisondancer.com). I've seen my share of NYMF productions in the past, but this afternoon's performance was truly inspiring.
I have worked with many of the faces on that stage. This was a story told by Filipinos about a prison in the Philippines. But, it did not matter to me that I was not Filipino, nor was a majority of the audience. I found myself in awe of what I was seeing, hearing....feeling. I forgot that those were my friends and colleagues on that stage. Instead, I was enamored by each one of them as artists who were all masters of their craft. The craft of conveying a human story that is a identifiable to all who sat opened-hearted in front of them.
What I saw today was a new unique American (or Western as it hails from Canada!) story that could be told by none other- a brilliant cast of Asian-Americans. *Might I also add, a ridiculously beautiful cast*
Because with the focus so strongly on The Nightingale, I hope that we do not forget to celebrate the triumphs that we are achieving together; Asian American performers and supporters alike. To name a few on this ever growing list :
-The entirety of the production team, creatives, supporters and the cast of Prison Dancer. Marcus Calderon, Marc DelaCruz, Andrew Eisenman, Albert Guerzon, Jose Llana, Jeigh Madjus, Nathan Ramos, Catherine Ricafort, Enrico Rodriguez, Moses Villarama, Liz Cassasola, Brian Jose and more!
-Baayork Lee, Steven Eng, Zoie Lam and their National Asian Artists Project's continued education program for school aged children and exploration of classic works with All-Asian professional performers.
-The continued success of organizations like East West Players, Pan Asian Rep, Ma-Yi Theater Co., NAATCO, and Leviathan Lab for dedicating it's existence to explore theatrical work to exemplify the Asian and Asian-American experience.
-Upcoming new musical productions of predominantly Asian casts Allegiance and Here Lies Love fully produced in major theatrical centers (Old Globe and Williamstown/The Public, respectively).
-Asian performers that consistently represent on the Broadway stage in non-ethnic specific roles including Paolo Montaloban, Aaron Albano, Ray Lee, Olivia Oguma, Telly Leung, and J Elaine Marcos amongst many others.
-Active diverse casting advocates for Asian Americans: Nikole Vallins and Michael Cassara.
I name these artists as my friends of whom we'll look back in twenty years and claim that it was not in vain. I name these artists as my colleagues of whom I constantly feel i am in a cast with regardless of whether we have ever even done a show together. I name these artists as my heroes as they will forge an even broader path for future Asian artists to emerge.
We must take a moment to think of how far we have come as ONE community. Even as fragmented as we may be under this large umbrella that is "Asian", we have formed such a strong brotherhood; this collective entity that can no longer be less visible than others.
I applaud La Jolla's artistic director and it's staff for initiating a public forum on the issue. As a huge fan of Moises Kaufman and his LGBTQ work, I wholeheartedly thank him in his participation and acknowledgement that this is a momentous discussion in American theatre.
And so I celebrate all of you, Asian or not, who have joined us in this conversation that continues to fuel the momentum of change (despite how dilatory it wants to be).
With a lack of Asian role models on television, in movies or on the stage, I spent much of my youth wondering, "what's wrong with me? Why did I have the misfortune of being born Asian?" This ideology has only recently shifted for me. My elation now comes with the idea that we are here at another crossroads. I feel my words and my continued loving dedication towards this craft is now important beyond getting that next hit Broadway show.
I am here so that Asian-American kids will look back in twenty years and say, "Everything's fine. What was all the fuss about?" So I can get mad at them for not knowing....
And until then, I lead with love. Love of this battle while standing with you.
===
I take it all back. My gut feeling is that this is only the beginning. I feel HOPEFUL.
I have one. One instinctual feeling.
You may suspect it is a feeling of dismay; but it is not. Saddened? No. Disappointed, heartbroken, wronged? No, no, no.
Rather it is of pure ELATION.
For the theater to bring to host this conversation is incredible.
Let me clarify that I am not elated because someone finally "stuck it to the man". I am elated because for the first time in my professional career, I believe that the entirety of a community I was born into has raised one collective voice to say, "We are here."
For those of you who need to be filled in of the goings on of # nightingale:
Playbill Article : Facing Criticism for Lack of Asian
Video of Panel Discussion : LaJolla Nightingale
Some of our Asian American theater veterans may proclaim that this is history repeating itself. It seems like a twenty year cycle.
A little over twenty years ago, we experienced the infamous Jonathan Pryce scandal of Miss Saigon. David Henry Hwang brilliantly dramatized the events in his play Yellowface nearly a decade and a half later. Because of the open protestation of Pryce's casting, never again was the coveted role of the Engineer played by someone not of Asian descent on Broadway.
Miss Saigon was the first time Asian Americans have experienced yellowface in such a high caliber theater setting. Right?
Actually, twenty years prior to that in 1970, the Asian cast members of Broadway's Lovely Ladies, Kind Gentleman protested outside their own show because of denial of access for Asian performers to audition for the coveted role of Sakini in their own show. These pioneer Asian actors went as far as to distribute brochures with headshots and contacts of dozens of Asian performers to casting directors to say "we are here". The show closed on Broadway to eventually tour but the costumes of Sakini were never worn by an Asian man.
Will we look back in 2030 and be quick to forget the conversation that has been spurred by The Nightingale ?
Only time will tell but what we all can learn from history is "change is slow". No, this isn't the first time this conversation has been had and it certainly will not be the last. But this is the moment for this generation of Asian performers to make their mark for the betterment of the theatrical community; this American theatrical community that we are very much a part of.
Specifically, in addressing my thoughts about The Nightingale. I've heard both sides of the table. Even then, I lack the ability to see the content of the show for myself, I lack the ability to validate either side's arguments, and I lack the ability to sort out for myself what is right and wrong/hypocritical or not in terms of the implementation of a multi-ethnic cast.
I can't say that any Asian actor was denied Asian appropriate roles as I have no hand in the artistic creative process.
Through much meditation about the subject, I became keenly aware that my issue was not with this production at all. I began examining my existence as an Asian actor in the theater business of 2012 and I came up with the question: "Am I not American enough to be considered for your multi-ethnic project?" This notion stings.
Post the panel discussion, I felt satisfied that I had tweeted some thoughts (you can find by searching # nightingale) and I was prepping for the windfall of discussions I was sure to encounter in the coming weeks. This blogpost never wanted to be written.
Alas, my impetus for writing tonight: I saw an All-Asian production at this year's New York Musical Theater Festival called Prison Dancer (www.prisondancer.com). I've seen my share of NYMF productions in the past, but this afternoon's performance was truly inspiring.
I have worked with many of the faces on that stage. This was a story told by Filipinos about a prison in the Philippines. But, it did not matter to me that I was not Filipino, nor was a majority of the audience. I found myself in awe of what I was seeing, hearing....feeling. I forgot that those were my friends and colleagues on that stage. Instead, I was enamored by each one of them as artists who were all masters of their craft. The craft of conveying a human story that is a identifiable to all who sat opened-hearted in front of them.
What I saw today was a new unique American (or Western as it hails from Canada!) story that could be told by none other- a brilliant cast of Asian-Americans. *Might I also add, a ridiculously beautiful cast*
Because with the focus so strongly on The Nightingale, I hope that we do not forget to celebrate the triumphs that we are achieving together; Asian American performers and supporters alike. To name a few on this ever growing list :
-The entirety of the production team, creatives, supporters and the cast of Prison Dancer. Marcus Calderon, Marc DelaCruz, Andrew Eisenman, Albert Guerzon, Jose Llana, Jeigh Madjus, Nathan Ramos, Catherine Ricafort, Enrico Rodriguez, Moses Villarama, Liz Cassasola, Brian Jose and more!
-Baayork Lee, Steven Eng, Zoie Lam and their National Asian Artists Project's continued education program for school aged children and exploration of classic works with All-Asian professional performers.
-The continued success of organizations like East West Players, Pan Asian Rep, Ma-Yi Theater Co., NAATCO, and Leviathan Lab for dedicating it's existence to explore theatrical work to exemplify the Asian and Asian-American experience.
-Upcoming new musical productions of predominantly Asian casts Allegiance and Here Lies Love fully produced in major theatrical centers (Old Globe and Williamstown/The Public, respectively).
-Asian performers that consistently represent on the Broadway stage in non-ethnic specific roles including Paolo Montaloban, Aaron Albano, Ray Lee, Olivia Oguma, Telly Leung, and J Elaine Marcos amongst many others.
-Active diverse casting advocates for Asian Americans: Nikole Vallins and Michael Cassara.
I name these artists as my friends of whom we'll look back in twenty years and claim that it was not in vain. I name these artists as my colleagues of whom I constantly feel i am in a cast with regardless of whether we have ever even done a show together. I name these artists as my heroes as they will forge an even broader path for future Asian artists to emerge.
We must take a moment to think of how far we have come as ONE community. Even as fragmented as we may be under this large umbrella that is "Asian", we have formed such a strong brotherhood; this collective entity that can no longer be less visible than others.
I applaud La Jolla's artistic director and it's staff for initiating a public forum on the issue. As a huge fan of Moises Kaufman and his LGBTQ work, I wholeheartedly thank him in his participation and acknowledgement that this is a momentous discussion in American theatre.
And so I celebrate all of you, Asian or not, who have joined us in this conversation that continues to fuel the momentum of change (despite how dilatory it wants to be).
With a lack of Asian role models on television, in movies or on the stage, I spent much of my youth wondering, "what's wrong with me? Why did I have the misfortune of being born Asian?" This ideology has only recently shifted for me. My elation now comes with the idea that we are here at another crossroads. I feel my words and my continued loving dedication towards this craft is now important beyond getting that next hit Broadway show.
I am here so that Asian-American kids will look back in twenty years and say, "Everything's fine. What was all the fuss about?" So I can get mad at them for not knowing....
And until then, I lead with love. Love of this battle while standing with you.
===
I take it all back. My gut feeling is that this is only the beginning. I feel HOPEFUL.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
Day Number WhoTheEffCare: 'Cause It's Over
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Day 199: Counting UP the Days (Footballs and Grenades)
A number like 199 will always feel more significant than 200. 199 seems like you're reaching as if to say, "you're almost there!". 200 seems like you've settled. I digress.
===
Arriving in Seattle yesterday seemed ever strange. With only two cities left and only forty performances to go, I can see a finite end to this leg of my journey with American Idiot. One can only hope to document their time with an experience like this and try to enjoy every last moment and yet this question nags me more and more frequently of late:
"Do you have anything else lined up?"
"What are you going to do when it's all over?"
"What's next?"
Pretty much my entire life I have heard it from my friends, my mother, my father or internally of myself. But now I can taste the venom of the question, "what's next?".
I advise, when someone other than yourself asks, to politely say, "I don't know as of yet." But if the question comes from within say, "I don't fucking know yet! I'm not done with right now to worry about what's fucking next!"
Remember the blogpost I did a couple weeks back about how the show has become a job and it's hard and blah blah blah. I want to slap that former-bitch-self in the face. I am weeks older and wiser for it.....HAH!
It is natural for human beings to agonize, to worry about what's next. I get that. I am, in fact, human (wink wink LA girls). But what infuriates me is when I can't see the patterns and mistakes that I have made in the past. This will not be the first show I've closed and far from the last. In fact, it is a pleasure cruise to know the definite impending closing date of July 8th, more anxiety eliminated. In the past, I would have counted down the days, daydreamed of what it would be like back home, scrambling to find that next audition, signing in to work while checking out of life. Life before my eyes....
It is human to worry. It is god-like to savor.
You hear in many different ways. You hear it in many different languages. Let the message of "carpe diem" ever trump the fucking question, "what's next?"
When I fall, I find comfort in the idea that I can try again tomorrow. But, in truth, there is no guarantee that there will be a tomorrow. Wouldn't that make one afraid of falling in the first place?
It is very possible for me to fall off a speaker stack during the show tonight and break my leg or more likely fall off the top of the bus and break my face. And yet I do it anyway. Because if I do metaphorically fall, or literally, why not do it rocking out to beat of your own drum while giving everyone else the finger? Fall because you have taken the day to climb the highest tower.
I constantly fight to remember to be present in my day to day. Because every day matters. Every moment matters. It's not about getting out of this place and time, it's about what can you get out of this place and time.
Does that make sense? If not, I'm sure a couple-weeks-older-Kelvin-blogger will correct me. But until then, I can't worry about what he knows or not.
===
This blog post has been weirdly/positively inspired by those at the stage door of late and the pilot episode of "Fridays Night Lights", which is my new favorite show. Football and God are not my thing, but damn.... Fine writing and fine acting wins me over always.
There is a fantastic culture to Football; similar to fanaticism that I have for theater. I finally get it.
I highly recommend the show. And if still not inspired, please read the play "Take My Out"
===
And if you haven't seen my homage to American Idiot here it is. I don't promise an Episode Two as I'm going to try to actively kiss every boy in Seattle (they're all like hot skinny Vikings, wtf?!)
This blog post has been weirdly/positively inspired by those at the stage door of late and the pilot episode of "Fridays Night Lights", which is my new favorite show. Football and God are not my thing, but damn.... Fine writing and fine acting wins me over always.
There is a fantastic culture to Football; similar to fanaticism that I have for theater. I finally get it.
I highly recommend the show. And if still not inspired, please read the play "Take My Out"
===
And if you haven't seen my homage to American Idiot here it is. I don't promise an Episode Two as I'm going to try to actively kiss every boy in Seattle (they're all like hot skinny Vikings, wtf?!)
American Idiotoons - Episode One
by: KelvinIdiot
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Dear Citizens of North Carolina
Dear Citizens of North Carolina Who Voted "Yes, on Amendment One",
I expect that you have received many letters of hate from members of my community. I expect that you have prepared to stand even more firmly on the grounds of your faith and beliefs in marriage being between one man and one woman. I expect you have already learned to tolerate the jokes of being able to marry your own cousin but not if he/she is of the same sex.
I expect that you think this letter will be more of the same.
Know that this letter finds you with love. Because as a member of my community, I do not judge you for how you choose to conduct your lives. I do not propose to prevent you from worshipping to whomever and wherever you please. I do not wish you any harm and/or preventing you from living the great American dream.
But I must inform you: Your passing of your state's Amendment One is truly the definition of Un-American. The standing First Amendment of OUR country states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." Call me presumptive, but this most recent legislation is the product of religious influence however it may inform your political leanings.
Notice I don't use the words "religious-hate-mongering-anything" because in order for me to continue to love the country, I must believe that you have enough love in your hearts to hear this message:
Marriage Equality is not an issue of morality. It is not an issue of the definition of "marriage". It is not an issue of my God versus your God. But rather, it is an issue of Love.
Love in the sense that if two people choose to care for one another, that they should be able to see it through in life and death, in sickness and health. Love in the idea that the government should provide for every couple as equals, as we are all financially responsible to our country as equal taxpayers. Love in the belief that we have the freedom to live our own lives as long as it does not infringe upon the same freedom for others.
Our forefathers have asked up to separate our religious beliefs from our political beliefs since our country's birth. I don't know why for sure. Perhaps it is because most of earliest settlements were to escape religious persecution. Perhaps they knew that it would spawn battles like this over Marriage Equality and deter us from focusing on more important issues that plague our country: Education reform, Unemployment, why my father has to nag me about the $4 per gallon of gas I use in his car, etc.
You may think our President is an asshole. But what is noble about President Obama is that his beliefs, in the past, weren't settled on same-sex marriage. His ideas about it were ever "evolving". His current support of Marriage Equality is an example of growth. This was not his best political move to finally support the initiative but what makes our President great here is that he spoke from his heart. And who is to say that as a Christian, President Obama actually believes homosexuality is right or wrong; but as a gatekeeper to policy, he fairly knows that his religious beliefs has no bearing on his actions in office.
Because he too is a member of my community. My community encompasses the passionate Americans who believe that LOVE is what should guide our actions day to day. My community encompasses those who believe that if we encounter things we do not understand, if we approach them with LOVE and an open heart, that that is the greatest source of learning. My community encompasses me, the rest of the country, including those who would have voted "yes" on NC's Amendment One because as human beings, I insist, we all have the ability to LOVE one another as "thy neighbor."
And if you scoff at my touting of the word "Love" from paragraph to paragraph- ask of yourself, "Why is love so offensive to you?"
Before you think of me as another ineffective liberal cry baby who wishes to open the gates to murderers, rapist, molesters and the sort (look, I made the comparison here).... know this:
I will stand at the front lines to join you in protest of those requesting consent of sex with a child, a dog, a cow, a hippo.
But will you stand with me, just so I can stand with my dying lover when the time comes?
Do the right thing. Examine in with your own hearts to ask: What do you stand to lose by allowing yourself and others to love freely?
In truth, I don't believe in complete separation of church and state. The teachings of any good Christian home will demonstrate the power that Love can have on a growing family. Now imagine the power that Love can have on a growing nation.
Sincerely,
Kelvin Moon Loh
Day 173: Funny, I'm in Dallas. Dear North Carolina.
I preface with the fact that this blog post will have very little to do with American Idiot and/or theater.
But for a quick update on AI: we have done 2 shows in Dallas and the audiences have been polite. I anticipated a Wednesday night reception to be lackluster but still standing ovations nonetheless. I am very aware of the politically charged nature of our piece and making comparisons of their hometown boy to Hitler.... let's just say, I'm happy to not be followed home at night. Meanwhile, if you haven't read- I did have the pleasure to be interviewed by the Dallas Voice and you can view it here:
He Wants To Be An American Idiot! - Dallas Voice
 |
| I love how there is an ad for Idina's concert in Dallas on the same page. No, I don't feel that special! |
I am thankful to be part of the Broadway community that uses their collective voice to bring to my attention the first amendment to the North Carolina individual state constitution. No, it wasn't on CNN, MSNBC, or FOX News but twitter that I fount out; if that shows you what kind of political aficionado I am not.
If you need to catch up on what is happening in our country, I don't blame you but read about our most recent shameful endeavor as a country here:
My blog has nearly reached over 10,000 views since it's inception. And even if it is just my mom hitting "refresh" every hour, I would like to share this letter that, if I could, I would send to every household in North Carolina.
Dear Citizens of North Carolina Who Voted "Yes, on Amendment One",
I expect that you have received many letters of hate from members of my community. I expect that you have prepared to stand even more firmly on the grounds of your faith and beliefs in marriage being between one man and one woman. I expect you have already learned to tolerate the jokes of being able to marry your own cousin but not if he/she is of the same sex.
I expect that you think this letter will be more of the same.
Know that this letter finds you with love. Because as a member of my community, I do not judge you for how you choose to conduct your lives. I do not propose to prevent you from worshipping to whomever and wherever you please. I do not wish you any harm and/or preventing you from living the great American dream.
But I must inform you: Your passing of your state's Amendment One is truly the definition of Un-American. The standing First Amendment of OUR country states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof." Call me presumptive, but this most recent legislation is the product of religious influence however it may inform your political leanings.
Notice I don't use the words "religious-hate-mongering-anything" because in order for me to continue to love the country, I must believe that you have enough love in your hearts to hear this message:
Marriage Equality is not an issue of morality. It is not an issue of the definition of "marriage". It is not an issue of my God versus your God. But rather, it is an issue of Love.
Love in the sense that if two people choose to care for one another, that they should be able to see it through in life and death, in sickness and health. Love in the idea that the government should provide for every couple as equals, as we are all financially responsible to our country as equal taxpayers. Love in the belief that we have the freedom to live our own lives as long as it does not infringe upon the same freedom for others.
Our forefathers have asked up to separate our religious beliefs from our political beliefs since our country's birth. I don't know why for sure. Perhaps it is because most of earliest settlements were to escape religious persecution. Perhaps they knew that it would spawn battles like this over Marriage Equality and deter us from focusing on more important issues that plague our country: Education reform, Unemployment, why my father has to nag me about the $4 per gallon of gas I use in his car, etc.
You may think our President is an asshole. But what is noble about President Obama is that his beliefs, in the past, weren't settled on same-sex marriage. His ideas about it were ever "evolving". His current support of Marriage Equality is an example of growth. This was not his best political move to finally support the initiative but what makes our President great here is that he spoke from his heart. And who is to say that as a Christian, President Obama actually believes homosexuality is right or wrong; but as a gatekeeper to policy, he fairly knows that his religious beliefs has no bearing on his actions in office.
Because he too is a member of my community. My community encompasses the passionate Americans who believe that LOVE is what should guide our actions day to day. My community encompasses those who believe that if we encounter things we do not understand, if we approach them with LOVE and an open heart, that that is the greatest source of learning. My community encompasses me, the rest of the country, including those who would have voted "yes" on NC's Amendment One because as human beings, I insist, we all have the ability to LOVE one another as "thy neighbor."
And if you scoff at my touting of the word "Love" from paragraph to paragraph- ask of yourself, "Why is love so offensive to you?"
Before you think of me as another ineffective liberal cry baby who wishes to open the gates to murderers, rapist, molesters and the sort (look, I made the comparison here).... know this:
I will stand at the front lines to join you in protest of those requesting consent of sex with a child, a dog, a cow, a hippo.
But will you stand with me, just so I can stand with my dying lover when the time comes?
Do the right thing. Examine in with your own hearts to ask: What do you stand to lose by allowing yourself and others to love freely?
In truth, I don't believe in complete separation of church and state. The teachings of any good Christian home will demonstrate the power that Love can have on a growing family. Now imagine the power that Love can have on a growing nation.
Sincerely,
Kelvin Moon Loh
Friday, May 4, 2012
Day 167: So You Think You Can Act. Act. Act. Back to Reality (NYC Layoff)
For those of you who write: "How did you like the weather in LA?" "Will you do a blog post on your favorite restaurants in Minneapolis?" "Visit any fun museums in Denver?".....
I apologize in advance that I will never post about these things.... well, not on purpose at least.
I bring this up because, believe it or not, my time on this tour is wrapping up soon. And even as I re-read my most recent post, lamenting my life's "misfortunes", I can hear my mother's voice saying with accent: "Don't be an asshole. You're life is good and you are an ungrateful person. Take the time to stop and smell the bean curd." (no.... a racist joke is far superior to the truth that my mother has never in fact asked me to smell a bean curd.)
And without a the AMERICAN IDIOT tour, what the fuck will the Asian-AMERICAN IDIOT blog be about?
"All I know is, she was right. I am an idiot
It’s even on my birth certificate in so many words."
I guess that will never change. This blog has been about my experience with the show but the theme has always been the same. My experience in the theater. So perhaps the show may change in the future but my life as a theater artist will not.
This week's entry based on many tweets: "I want to be an actor, do you have any advice?"
I preface this with: I always have advice. I don't fancy myself a guru on anything, just opinionated and sometimes dangerously so. I have advice that has proven itself to be good for me and at times disastrous for me. In the end, you are in control of your own life's path....
Rewind. "In the end, you are in control of your own life's path". That is all the advice you need in life really.
Let me break it down just a few steps further. Just three steps:
1. "SIT IN A ROOM AND TALK TO YOURSELF IN A MIRROR. YES, YOU LOOK CRAZY."
But what that forces you to do is to get a really good sense of who you are, what you want, and how you view your ability to accomplish things. What you will soon realize is that no one can truly stand in your own way but yourself.
I am fantastic at being my own worst enemy. And often times I'll blame it on others. Example: She says, I'm not right for the role. He says, I don't sing like that. They say, that experience is not my cup of tea.
Fuck what he/she/they said. But, in fact, it is not their fault. Everyone has opinions. But it is MY fault if I let others identify who I am. This sounds generic and redundant but really think about it for a minute. Have you really ever been open to the idea that "I am the master of my own fate"?
Ask yourself. "What is it that I want". Then be more specific. Then be even more specific. And then, prepare to bust your balls.
"I want to be an actor"- "I want to be a musical theater actor"- "I want to be in rock musicals"- "I want to be in American Idiot"--- that is the a progression that I used to my advantage.
But then the voice in your head goes... You don't have any acting training. You don't have any singing training. You don't sing like a rock star. You don't know how to play guitar! Oh fuck, what should you do.....
Um, not to sound like a total douche.... but this was true of me at some point and only I had the power to change all that. It took time. And at times it looked impossible-
Because the voice in your head takes a devilish tone like Golem: It's too late, these fuckers have been doing it since they were 4. You don't have the money to take lessons. You live in Tulsa not NYC.
Drop kick Golem into the lava and find a way. There is always a way to make something out of nothing. That is the whole basis of theater, is it not?
Yes, some kids have rich parents. Yes, some kids have won the gene pool lottery. Yes, some kids just happened to fuck the right producer. But that was never my path. This kid just took a double shift at a TGIFridays, and never fucking looked back.
2. "BE RELENTLESS. NEVER SAY 'NO' AND NEVER TAKE 'NO' FOR AN ANSWER."
A. You can sleep when you're dead.
B. You're never above doing anything.
C. It may seem cult-like but the Power of Yes is what gets shit done in the world.
Ask and you shall receive. I've heard this a thousand times. But be prepared to receive nothing (again, nothing is something). It doesn't hurt to ask. Ask someone on a date. Ask someone for advice. Ask someone to give you a chance. Ask ask ask ask ask...... and most always someone will NOT be able to give you exactly what you want. Then ask ask ask ask ask ask again.
Whatever modicum of anything they give you when they finally do. Use it. Cherish it. Turn it into a positive for yourself:
I once asked a writer if he had any time for me to audition for a piece that he was workshopping next week. He was well known in the business. He said he didn't have room for me then, but he'd keep me in mind..... I called bullshit on him. I said, "Thank you, but if you have a 10 minutes in the near future, I'd love to sing for you live one day. But I understand you are busy. Here is a demo I did myself as a sample of my work. Would love to work with you in the future." I lied, I paid $300 for that demo and have been shopping it around since. I replaced the lead in the workshop next week as that actor came up with a conflict.
This shit happens all the time. Put yourself out there. And ask for help constantly.
And when you start to feel guilty..... like a whore in church..... or even like a whoring actor asking for opportunities, you will have these two saving graces, to remove that guilt, in your back pocket:
1. I work and study hard at my craft and I can back up my work with integrity.
2. Karma is supreme. When someone asks for help in the future, I will be the first to volunteer with a hearty "Yes!"
3. HUMBLE YOURSELF BY CELEBRATING YOUR VICTORIES
Is this an affliction of the generation I'm a part of, the business I'm in or the product of Chinese immigrant parenting- the idea of "what I have now is not good enough"?
My opinion: what you have is neither good nor bad. The path you stand on is just a path. It is YOU who decides on if it is a good path only if it points you forward. It is YOU who chooses to walk or run or do pirouettes in a floral sarong.
"Stop and smell the bean curd."
What is acting? Bringing a truthful representation of life on stage. Being able to access your emotions and experiences to inform the work you present to an audience. Having an opinion on everything and everyone. That is acting to me.
And so the brilliant thing about the craft of acting is that you are constantly studying:
-I went to the grocery store today. I know what it is like to be responsible.
-I went to see a show today and I thought the writing was terrible. I know what I would write instead.
-My ex-boyfriend posted on his facebook that he's in a new relationship. I know what it is to be unjustly devastated.
-I saw this man call a stranger a cunt. I wanted to punch a wall for her.
Just by living life you have won the day. That is worth a celebration! If that isn't convincing then:
-Take a dance class
-Take a voice lesson
-Just make enough money to afford a voice lesson
-Book a show at the local community theater
-Memorize your favorite Jim Carey monologue
-Script the conversation your mother and father had over coffee
Any of these things is worth the same celebration as if you booked your first Broadway show. You may disagree, I bet you do. I challenge you to! But, I would like to re-examine the business of theater. Often times people wonder what the secret is to booking a show. What makes someone stand out. There are thousands of talented people. There are thousands of good looking people. But who gets the job?
The answer: The person who the creative staff could imagine themselves working with happily for several weeks, months, years to come.
Theater is a business of PEOPLE.
So if you are in constant celebration, you are instantly attractive to me as a real and pleasant person. That, in turn, changes how I view you. I put you on my list of people I want to work with. Although, there is one side effect: You also get to live a happy fulfilled life.
====
I can already hear the pessimists out there rolling their eyes at this sudden Buddhist-like transcription being pawned off as "Acting Advice". Noses titled towards the sky because I'm telling you to dream big and you can succeed.
To those holier-than-thou-arrogants,
All I have to say is this:
For years I have collected playbills from dozens of Broadway shows. I examined every headshot, studied the bios of the actors, taken every theater quiz, read them cover to cover including actors recommendations to restaurants. I never threw a single Playbill out, ever.
I only ever dreamed that one day my name and my picture would grace the pages under the Playbill logo.
Well to them I say, "SUCK IT. I win."
Best of luck to you beautiful crazy fuck nuts out there. Me and your future self are rooting for you!
xoxo,
Kelvin
I apologize in advance that I will never post about these things.... well, not on purpose at least.
I bring this up because, believe it or not, my time on this tour is wrapping up soon. And even as I re-read my most recent post, lamenting my life's "misfortunes", I can hear my mother's voice saying with accent: "Don't be an asshole. You're life is good and you are an ungrateful person. Take the time to stop and smell the bean curd." (no.... a racist joke is far superior to the truth that my mother has never in fact asked me to smell a bean curd.)
And without a the AMERICAN IDIOT tour, what the fuck will the Asian-AMERICAN IDIOT blog be about?
"All I know is, she was right. I am an idiot
It’s even on my birth certificate in so many words."
I guess that will never change. This blog has been about my experience with the show but the theme has always been the same. My experience in the theater. So perhaps the show may change in the future but my life as a theater artist will not.
This week's entry based on many tweets: "I want to be an actor, do you have any advice?"
I preface this with: I always have advice. I don't fancy myself a guru on anything, just opinionated and sometimes dangerously so. I have advice that has proven itself to be good for me and at times disastrous for me. In the end, you are in control of your own life's path....
Rewind. "In the end, you are in control of your own life's path". That is all the advice you need in life really.
Let me break it down just a few steps further. Just three steps:
1. "SIT IN A ROOM AND TALK TO YOURSELF IN A MIRROR. YES, YOU LOOK CRAZY."
But what that forces you to do is to get a really good sense of who you are, what you want, and how you view your ability to accomplish things. What you will soon realize is that no one can truly stand in your own way but yourself.
I am fantastic at being my own worst enemy. And often times I'll blame it on others. Example: She says, I'm not right for the role. He says, I don't sing like that. They say, that experience is not my cup of tea.
Fuck what he/she/they said. But, in fact, it is not their fault. Everyone has opinions. But it is MY fault if I let others identify who I am. This sounds generic and redundant but really think about it for a minute. Have you really ever been open to the idea that "I am the master of my own fate"?
Ask yourself. "What is it that I want". Then be more specific. Then be even more specific. And then, prepare to bust your balls.
"I want to be an actor"- "I want to be a musical theater actor"- "I want to be in rock musicals"- "I want to be in American Idiot"--- that is the a progression that I used to my advantage.
But then the voice in your head goes... You don't have any acting training. You don't have any singing training. You don't sing like a rock star. You don't know how to play guitar! Oh fuck, what should you do.....
Um, not to sound like a total douche.... but this was true of me at some point and only I had the power to change all that. It took time. And at times it looked impossible-
Because the voice in your head takes a devilish tone like Golem: It's too late, these fuckers have been doing it since they were 4. You don't have the money to take lessons. You live in Tulsa not NYC.
Drop kick Golem into the lava and find a way. There is always a way to make something out of nothing. That is the whole basis of theater, is it not?
Yes, some kids have rich parents. Yes, some kids have won the gene pool lottery. Yes, some kids just happened to fuck the right producer. But that was never my path. This kid just took a double shift at a TGIFridays, and never fucking looked back.
2. "BE RELENTLESS. NEVER SAY 'NO' AND NEVER TAKE 'NO' FOR AN ANSWER."
A. You can sleep when you're dead.
B. You're never above doing anything.
C. It may seem cult-like but the Power of Yes is what gets shit done in the world.
Ask and you shall receive. I've heard this a thousand times. But be prepared to receive nothing (again, nothing is something). It doesn't hurt to ask. Ask someone on a date. Ask someone for advice. Ask someone to give you a chance. Ask ask ask ask ask...... and most always someone will NOT be able to give you exactly what you want. Then ask ask ask ask ask ask again.
Whatever modicum of anything they give you when they finally do. Use it. Cherish it. Turn it into a positive for yourself:
I once asked a writer if he had any time for me to audition for a piece that he was workshopping next week. He was well known in the business. He said he didn't have room for me then, but he'd keep me in mind..... I called bullshit on him. I said, "Thank you, but if you have a 10 minutes in the near future, I'd love to sing for you live one day. But I understand you are busy. Here is a demo I did myself as a sample of my work. Would love to work with you in the future." I lied, I paid $300 for that demo and have been shopping it around since. I replaced the lead in the workshop next week as that actor came up with a conflict.
This shit happens all the time. Put yourself out there. And ask for help constantly.
And when you start to feel guilty..... like a whore in church..... or even like a whoring actor asking for opportunities, you will have these two saving graces, to remove that guilt, in your back pocket:
1. I work and study hard at my craft and I can back up my work with integrity.
2. Karma is supreme. When someone asks for help in the future, I will be the first to volunteer with a hearty "Yes!"
3. HUMBLE YOURSELF BY CELEBRATING YOUR VICTORIES
Is this an affliction of the generation I'm a part of, the business I'm in or the product of Chinese immigrant parenting- the idea of "what I have now is not good enough"?
My opinion: what you have is neither good nor bad. The path you stand on is just a path. It is YOU who decides on if it is a good path only if it points you forward. It is YOU who chooses to walk or run or do pirouettes in a floral sarong.
"Stop and smell the bean curd."
What is acting? Bringing a truthful representation of life on stage. Being able to access your emotions and experiences to inform the work you present to an audience. Having an opinion on everything and everyone. That is acting to me.
And so the brilliant thing about the craft of acting is that you are constantly studying:
-I went to the grocery store today. I know what it is like to be responsible.
-I went to see a show today and I thought the writing was terrible. I know what I would write instead.
-My ex-boyfriend posted on his facebook that he's in a new relationship. I know what it is to be unjustly devastated.
-I saw this man call a stranger a cunt. I wanted to punch a wall for her.
Just by living life you have won the day. That is worth a celebration! If that isn't convincing then:
-Take a dance class
-Take a voice lesson
-Just make enough money to afford a voice lesson
-Book a show at the local community theater
-Memorize your favorite Jim Carey monologue
-Script the conversation your mother and father had over coffee
Any of these things is worth the same celebration as if you booked your first Broadway show. You may disagree, I bet you do. I challenge you to! But, I would like to re-examine the business of theater. Often times people wonder what the secret is to booking a show. What makes someone stand out. There are thousands of talented people. There are thousands of good looking people. But who gets the job?
The answer: The person who the creative staff could imagine themselves working with happily for several weeks, months, years to come.
Theater is a business of PEOPLE.
So if you are in constant celebration, you are instantly attractive to me as a real and pleasant person. That, in turn, changes how I view you. I put you on my list of people I want to work with. Although, there is one side effect: You also get to live a happy fulfilled life.
====
I can already hear the pessimists out there rolling their eyes at this sudden Buddhist-like transcription being pawned off as "Acting Advice". Noses titled towards the sky because I'm telling you to dream big and you can succeed.
To those holier-than-thou-arrogants,
All I have to say is this:
For years I have collected playbills from dozens of Broadway shows. I examined every headshot, studied the bios of the actors, taken every theater quiz, read them cover to cover including actors recommendations to restaurants. I never threw a single Playbill out, ever.
.JPG) |
| You should see my childhood bedroom! |
I only ever dreamed that one day my name and my picture would grace the pages under the Playbill logo.
Well to them I say, "SUCK IT. I win."
Best of luck to you beautiful crazy fuck nuts out there. Me and your future self are rooting for you!
xoxo,
Kelvin
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)